Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future […]

Introducing: Jean LaFoote

From Crunch’s memoirs, we’ve read a lot about his exploits around the world and the battles he has fought. But one intriguing person keeps popping up in Crunch’s entries, and that person is his Jean LaFoote. LaFoote was (and maybe still is) Crunch’s greatest adversary. They did battle numerous times, often crossing blades over the […]

Cap’n Crunch – Original Flavor Review

Let me begin by saying that I love Captain Crunch. This bias will most certainly seep into my review, but I am unapologetic. This bias is well-deserved, and, for reasons I will soon discuss, Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor gets 10/10 Crunchberries. Perfectly sweetened, delectable and savory, crunchy yet soft–Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor, contained within a […]

An Ode to Crunch, Or Crunchling’s Lament

He arrived, a gleam in his eyes; it betrayed, belied, yet cast all pretense aside. Setting forth, looking port; not right, though not wrong, adventure throngs among throngs overlong. Queued to queue their boxes emblazoned, they stand and they wait, mostly patient. Then he arrives, fully sated, to sate of them, that diverse gradient, that […]

In Sickness and in Health

It would appear as though I have fallen sick: my throat prickles, as though perforated by cactus spines; my eye-sockets throb, and feel impressed upon; my body, simply put, is failing me. I would worry you not, most esteemed reader – I will most certainly recover from that which ails me. The cause for my […]

A Crunch to Arms

Again this fool proves himself unable to conceptualize. Again he so baselessly thinks a personal attack more beneficial to our discourse than a civil conversation. The nerve of this man! To come at me, when it was his sheer irreverence that moved me so! It is of no consequence – I will not be rebuffed, […]