Horatiatic Jestings

As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of falsity (whether or not it is intentional remains to be seen).

I can without a doubt say that the words of my dear colleague incessantly nag at me, day and night, causing me to feel as though my nerves have been stripped out of my body and set on display at the local museum of natural history. And history will be made; mark my words. His hedonistic approach of non-stop emotional bombardment rivals those greatest of human atrocities. The man derives sick pleasure from his mental games and I seek retribution.

“Captain Crunch is a falsehood, a set of ‘idolatrous images emblazoned on the wonderfully delicious corn and oat breakfast cereal.'” What a simply perfect and brilliantly constructed fib! To suggest that we share beliefs such at these here at Crunch Facts–well–it’s downright nutty.

Michael Feinstein, Ph.D.

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